The problem with this line of reasoning is that movies like GET CARTER, starring pricey stars like Sylvester Stallone, can't be made on a pittance, so the tickets have to be full price if there is ever to be any hope of recouping the financial backers' investments. And, if moviegoers are required to pay about nine bucks a ticket for a bad movie like GET CARTER, why wouldn't they choose instead a great one, like ALMOST FAMOUS, for the same price?

GET CARTER, as you may know, is a remake of perhaps the best known film of director Mike Hodges (CROUPIER). The original in 1971 starred Michael Caine as Jack Carter. Caine, replaced by Sylvester Stallone, gets a cameo part in this version, which is directed by Stephen T. Kay (the writer of THE MOD SQUAD remake) and written by David McKenna (BODY SHOTS). The recent résumés alone of the director and writer should give you pause.

As the story opens, Carter is attending the funeral of his estranged brother, who died under mysterious circumstances. As a fossilized action hero, Stallone just stares and broods when he's not hitting someone.

Mickey Rourke, an actor whose mere presence in a movie immediately raises a big red flag in my mind, plays Carter's nemesis, Cyrus Paice. Cyrus, with his ubiquitous dark sunglasses framed in iridescent green, shares a trait with Carter. With their aging muscles and bulging veins, they look like a couple of old lifeguards who are about to OD from too many late nights at the gym.

The women are all given throw away parts, Miranda Richardson as Carter's sister-in-law, Rachael Leigh Cook as his niece and Gretchen Mol as Carter's love interest. The important roles go to the boys with their toys, who get to chase in fast cars, shoot noisy guns and fight with big fists.

The movie is set, incongruously, in that hotbed of crime, that notorious underworld city of latte lovers and dot-com darlings -- Seattle! As a wiry and flagrantly wealthy software geek, Alan Cumming modestly informs Carter that "I'm the all powerful ruler of time and space." See what excessive caffeine will do to your brain.

Before annihilating the first guy to get in his way, Carter tells him, "You really don't want to know me." I completely agree. You don't want to waste your time and money getting to know Jack Carter, especially when the movie in the next screen would have to be better.

GET CARTER runs a long 1:55. It is rated R for violence, language, some sexuality and drug content and would be acceptable for older teenagers.