Director Peter Hyams (END OF DAYS), working from a DOA script by Gene Quintano (POLICE ACADEMY 3 and 4), isn't able to coax a decent performance out of any of the actors. Justin Chambers, Jennifer Lopez's fiancé in THE WEDDING PLANNER, is horribly miscast as D'Artagnan. His utterly lifeless and charmless work, however, is a bit better than the pathetic performances by the other musketeers, Jan Gregor Kremp as Athos, Steven Spiers as Porthos and Nick Moran as Aramis.

The strong supporting cast is wasted. Mena Suvari (AMERICAN BEAUTY), who can be so impressive in contemporary stories, is embarrassingly bad in this costume drama, playing Constance Bonacieux, a commoner who is a confidant of the queen. Stephen Rea gives an unintentionally funny performance as Cardinal Richelieu. Normally reliable Tim Roth, as the villain Febre, turns in a subpar piece of acting that is, nevertheless, head and shoulders above everyone else's. Even Catherine Deneuve is flat as the queen.

If you close your eyes and listen to David Arnold's stirring music, you can convince yourself that the movie has some merit. Just don't make the mistake of opening them again.

"You have an interesting fighting style," one of D'Artagnan's enemies remarks. "Where did you acquire it?" I wanted D'Artagnan to answer that he discovered it while watching Chinese movies. Now that would have been funny. And since the movie failed miserably as an action drama, any attempts at humor would certainly have been appreciated.

THE MUSKETEER runs a long 1:46. It is rated PG-13 for "intense action violence and some sexual material," and would be acceptable for kids around 6 and up.

My son Jeffrey, age 12, who gave the movie **, said it was like "Jackie Chan meets CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON in the 17th century." He liked some of the action sequences but, overall, rated the film as just okay. The more he thought about the movie; the less he liked it.