Told in an exaggerate blend of "Our Town" sparseness and a middle school play's cheapness, the movie takes place exclusively on a large stage which has stenciled names ("Dog," "Bushes, "Old Mine," etc.) on the floor where the sets would be in a normal movie. The top-notch cast (Nicole Kidman, Lauren Bacall, Paul Bettany, Blair Brown, James Caan, Patricia Clarkson, Jeremy Davies, Ben Gazzara and Philip Baker Hall) are all wasted save John Hurt who provides the beautifully sonorous narration. The only other good part of the production is the dreamy classical music.

The central character of this glacially paced film is Grace (Kidman), a fugitive with alabaster hands who comes to take refuge in the small town of Dogville. Tom Edison (Bettany) gets his fellow townsfolk to agree, albeit reluctantly, to let her stay there for a few weeks.

This tedious movie will put most ticket-paying customers to sleep, no matter how many critics continue to sing its praises like it's a masterpiece. It's also pretty irritating. After a while I got to thinking that, if Tom were to open and shut one more non-existent door, I'd puke.

DOGVILLE runs a ridiculously long 2:57. It is rated R for "violence and sexual content" and would be acceptable for older teenagers.