Ben Affleck plays the title character, Larry Gigli, a dimwitted thug assigned to kidnap a mentally-challenged youngster (Justin Bartha), the kid brother of a federal prosecutor who's causing trouble for a New York mobster. Assisting him is Ricki - that's Jennifer Lopez - who tells him "You're not my type." What she means is: she's a proud, domineering lesbian - until Affleck comes along. (In 1997, he pulled a similar bedding-a-lesbian stunt in "Chasing Amy.")

Written and directed by Martin Brest ("Meet Joe Black"), the dysfunctional narrative includes an abundance of sexual slurs, vulgarity, gratuitous violence and unnecessarily explicit dialogue. J.Lo's "Gobble, gobble" scene sinks embarrassing comedy to a new low.

In cameos, Al Pacino pays his debt to Martin Brest for directing "Scent of a Woman," and Christopher Walken astutely observes: "You don't know nuthin'. I can tell just by lookin' at ya."

There's been publicity about how the studio airbrushed the poster, making J.Lo's breasts look bigger and her butt look smaller but - like - who cares? Thirty years ago, movies and TV routinely depicted homosexuals as suicidal or psychopathic. Now, gay-themed stories are gaining a wider audience. So why go back to the hackneyed, insulting, "She says she's a lesbian but that means she's never met the right man" concept? On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, "Gigli" is an onerous 1. Although Ben Affleck tells us "Gigli" rhymes with "really," it signifies "silly." And Lopez herself sums it up with, "It's turkey time."