In 1974, a low budget horror flick called THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE got lucky
and hit the big time, going on to become a cult classic. For years the studios
have had what they thought was a great idea -- they'd make a bucket of money by
remaking the movie. Well, you lucky moviegoers, this is the year of the
remake. You'll be especially lucky if you manage to avoid this film entirely.
The Halloween movie season, which now lasts the entire month of October, is one
in which there are plenty of cheap horror movies that are so bad they almost
cry out for critics to take a hatchet to them. For the abominable THE TEXAS
CHAINSAW MASSACRE nothing less than a chainsaw will do.
Drip, drip, drip goes the blood in THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. A barfola, it
is happiest when the audience is the most nauseated. How do you spell "yuck?"
The plot has a group of teens, including Erin (Jessica Biel) and Kemper (Eric
Balfour), on their way to a concert. Along the way, bad things happen to them
and to the audience in this slasher flick. Filmed darkly, as if through a
dirty lens, the movie features buckets of blood. The camera shots are
frequently from the ground and the music stays in the low registers in an
attempt to heighten the fright.
"I got just as much respect for dead bodies as anyone around here," Sheriff
Hoyt (R. Lee Ermey) tells us in one of the story's many illogical lines. I
just wish that director Marcus Nispel had had at least a modicum of respect for
the audience by giving them at least a mildly intelligent thriller.
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE runs 1:38. The film is rated R for "strong horror
violence/gore, language and drug content" and would be acceptable for older
Copyright © 2003 Steve Rhodes