So how many days are there in January? Thirty-one long days, when few new
movies worth seeing show up at your local theater. Usually it's only the
Christmas cinematic leftovers that sustain us during these cold winter days of
the first of the year.
So it is again this year with the opening of Joseph Kahn's TORQUE, a movie
which plays like a sequel to last January's BIKER BOYZ, which had a completely
different cast and crew but the same cheesy setup. TORQUE stars Martin
Henderson and Ice Cube in two embarrassingly bad performances. Since BIKER
BOYZ was a rip off of another awful film, THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS, TORQUE is
like a third generation copy of a bad videotape.
This brain dead picture is stuffed with laughably lame insults ("I didn't come
here to watch you pet your dog, primate!" and "Let's see if this guy fights as
bad as he rides!") and mindless banter ("You're going to need us," says one.
"Yes I am," replies another.)
The movie features fast bikes, fast cars, fast driving, fast women and fast
editing -- in short, it's fast. Think 3 FAST 3 FURIOUS. With overcooked
action and colors and with wet T-shirts, the movie offers everything except
class and something akin to a plot. There is some story about drugs and
murder, but it is just a ruse to stitch the action together.
Only if the film had been juiced up and released as an R-rated guilty pleasure
would it have had any chance of being the least bit enjoyable. But this
pseudo-raunchy PG-13 version is just one big waste of time.
TORQUE runs 1:21. It is rated PG-13 for "violence, sexuality, language and
drug references" and would be acceptable for kids around 12 and up.
Copyright © 2004 Steve Rhodes