If you've seen the trailers for WHITE CHICKS, you probably thought at the time,
as I did, that the movie has to be either very bad or outlandishly funny. I'm
here to report that not only did I find it bad, but my entire audience was as
quiet as attendees at a funeral. This laughless comedy is as dead and
tasteless as last week's leftovers.
Brothers Shawn and Marlon Wayans star as a doofus duo named Kevin and Marcus
Copeland. Following in the buddy cop formula, these two FBI agents argue all
the time. In the opening, they arrest real ice cream deliverymen instead of
the drug dealers who are impersonating ice cream deliverymen.
To get their careers back on track after their ice cream fiasco, they volunteer
to escort two airhead, blonde sisters who are going to the Hamptons for the
weekend. The FBI has information that these bimbos are to be kidnapped on
their outing. When our klutzy lads get the girls' faces slightly scuffed, the
girls refuse to be seen by their wealthy friends and enemies in the Hamptons.
This causes our guys to put on major amounts of latex to transform themselves
into white chicks.
Once they become females, they repeat the lingo and the insults the girls they
are impersonating prefer. "I am going to have a BF -- Bitch Fit," is one of
the warnings they give a desk clerk who has the effrontery to demand to see
their IDs. Typical of the insults traded is one thrown back at them by Heather
Vandergeld (Jaime King), who says, "Your mother is so stupid that she exercises
when she could get liposuction -- or something."
So how do our newly made girls answer the question of how they've become
taller? They had their knees done.
WHITE CHICKS runs 1:37. It is rated PG-13 for "crude and sexual humor,
language and some drug content" and would be acceptable for kids around 12 and
up.
Copyright © 2004 Steve Rhodes
