The convoluted THE WHOLE TEN YARDS presumes that viewers will remember its lame
prequel, THE WHOLE NINE YARDS, a movie most of us have happily forgotten. This
sequel, as is normally the case, manages to be much worse than the original.
About a bunch of inept hit men and women and the gangsters who hire them, THE
WHOLE NINE YARDS is an embarrassment to its talented cast. A slapstick gun
comedy, it has few laughs and even fewer imaginative moments. It is directed
broadly and badly by Howard Deutch, who is responsible for such slapdash
sequels as THE ODD COUPLE II and GRUMPIER OLD MEN.
Bruce Willis plays Jimmy 'The Tulip' Tudeski, a hit man who has turned into an
obsessively domestic househusband who dresses in what might charitably be
called an androgynously pathetic wardrobe. In the opening, his hit woman wife,
Jill St. Claire (Amanda Peet), has returned from a hard day at work. She
hasn't been able to kill anyone lately because they keep having accidents just
before she can shoot them. Jimmy, after showing her the hit men mobile he has
made to hang above their baby's crib, suggests a solution to her depression.
They can go find some innocent tourist and kill him. She becomes more relaxed
after this suggestion to sooth her nerves. Nothing like a little murder
quickie to calm a jittery hit woman.
Meanwhile back at the office, the dentist office, that is, Dr. Nicholas 'Oz'
Oseransky (Matthew Perry) is worried that the bad guys led by Lazlo Gogolak
(Kevin Pollak, giving the worst performance in a movie full of them), will be
gunning for him. The doctor's wife Cynthia Oseransky (Natasha Henstridge), who
has a few secrets, tries to reassure him that everything will be okay.
I could go into the little Buttercup Scout who is almost shot delivering
cookies to Oz and some other distastefully other unfunny parts of the picture,
but I'll just conclude, instead, by suggesting you save your money for
something better. And this week, with the hilarious and sweet THE GIRL NEXT
DOOR opening opposite this turkey, there is at least one alternative new film
that is terrific.
THE WHOLE TEN YARDS runs a long 1:37. It is rated PG-13 for "sexual content,
some violence and language" and would be acceptable for kids around 12 and up.
Copyright © 2004 Steve Rhodes