HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME, as confusingly written by Joel Soisson, directed by Douglas Aarniokoski and edited by the committee of Chris Blunden, Rod Dean, Tracy Granger and Michael N. Knue, isn't merely a bad movie, it is a stupefyingly awful one. Even though its story is ripe for lampooning, the movie takes itself quite seriously.

The fourth, and please last, in the HIGHLANDER series, it probably has a group of avid fans who understand it all. I, however, not being a member of this cinematic cult found the plot to be an impenetrable mess. In a darkly-lit film, in which everyone wears the same dingy robes, it is hard to keep straight just who is who. I'll try to tell you what I learned from the factoids that the movie threw at me, but I suspect this will be one of those reviews where HIGHLANDER groupies will discover errors aplenty. (If you are a HIGHLANDER aficionado, please do not write me as this is not the sort of film that I care to waste my time discussing.)

This much I know. There is a group of people called the "immortals." A hardy bunch, they relish being slaughtered so that they can rise from the dead to fight again. One of the few ways for an immortal to die is to chop off his or her head. You'll be glad to know that Immortality is an equal opportunity employer, including both sexes and many races.

The immortals appear to have started back in sixteenth-century Scotland, around the time that the mother of Connor MacLeod (Christopher Lambert) was burned at the stake. After that, Connor and his kinsman, Duncan MacLeod (Adrian Paul), spend the rest of their infinite lives sword fighting their way through history.

When the movie, which switches timeframes frequently and delights in making them all look similar, is set in the present, the immortals' transportation of choice are noisy motorbikes. They also love guns, all the better to spurt the blood.

Some immortals are good and some are bad. And sometimes they change sides -- I think. There is also something about them getting a special charge when they actually manage to kill each other. Personally, I would have gotten a really big charge if I could have killed them all.

Amid all the blood and the battles, the immortals pause briefly on occasion to share some bit of wisdom with us. "Honor is not a weapon," Jin (Donnie Yen) tells us. I have no idea what that means, but, since an immortal said it, you can be sure that it must be profound.

HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME runs 1:35. It is rated R for violence and some strong sexuality and would be acceptable for older teenagers.