In the last two years, Drew Barrymore has been one of the most
delightful and winning presences in all of her films, playing
strong-willed, but innocent and kind souls ("The Wedding Singer," "Ever
After," "Home Fries"). Her reign as America's cutest, cuddliest young
actress working today continues in her latest film, "Never Been Kissed,"
which is also her production company, Flower Films' debut film
(Barrymore also produces). Unfortunately, "Never Been Kissed" is also
yet another high school movie (one comes every week, it seems), and out
of the many teenage-oriented comedy-dramas that have been thrust upon us
recently, this is one of the most weak and sloppily-written.
Josie Geller (Drew Barrymore) is a clumsy and unfashionable, but
intelligent 25-year-old copy editor for the Chicago Sun-Times, and her
yearning to become a newspaper reporter comes true when her stern boss
(Garry Marshall) assigns her to pose as a high school student to write a
story on the lives of today's teenagers. Although Josie is in a state of
euphoria since her dream has finally come true, her 23-year-old slacker
brother, Rob (David Arquette), who really was popular in his adolescent
days and an aspiring baseball player, reminds her of how nightmarish her
own high school days were. The butt of every joke, Josie was chubby,
pimply, had braces, and was given the embarrassing nickname "Josie
Gross-y." "Sorry about that," Rob says in the present day. "If I had
known it would stick, I would never have made it up."
Returning to high school, right on her first day and dressed in a tacky
white outfit and boa around her neck, Josie finds herself almost
immediately shunned by all of her classmates once again, befriended only
by Aldys (Leelee Sobieski), a generous, unconventional "nerd" who
invites her to join the Denominators, a calculus club. Threatened to be
fired if she doesn't present a flashy story, and fast, Josie is forced
to attempt to become popular, with the help of Rob, who also returns to
high school and gets buddy-buddy with the in-crowd right away by winning
a cole slaw-eating contest. Regrettably, as Josie begins to hang out
with a clique of superficial girls, two of which are named Kirsten and
Kristin (Jessica Alba, Marley Shelton), as well as attract the eye of
renowned stud Guy Perkins (Jeremy Jordan), she begins to lose sight of
what is really important, all the while trying to come to terms with her
own high school experience, and growing close to her young english
teacher, Sam Coulson (Michael Vartan).
"Never Been Kissed" acquires its title from a scene early on in the film
when Josie is talking to her friend and co-worker, Anita (Molly
Shannon), on a lunch break. "I've kissed guys before," she says, "but
I've never felt that thing." I know exactly what Josie is talking about,
but I wish I would have also felt that thing while I was watching this
film, which is an uninspired rush-job. Although 107 minutes, "Never Been
Kissed" seems to be always moving at such a break-neck pace that it
rarely ever has time to slow down and develop any of the characters, and
therefore, they all came off as blatant stereotypes (Comparingly, I was
reminded of last week's high school entry, "10 Things I Hate About You,"
which didn't talk down to its audience and was wholly intelligent). In
my four years of high school, not once did I ever come across people who
acted like the one-dimensional Kristin and Kirstin do, nor have I ever
seen someone who acted like the geeky Aldys (even though, as played in a
standout performance by Leelee Sobieski, she is the most effective
character in sight). On another note, I seriously doubt the real Chicago
Sun-Times is like its depiction here, but I disgress. If "Never Been
Kissed" is supposed to be a lightweight fantasy, I still have another
complaint, which is that Barrymore is supposed to play a 25-year-old who
goes back to high school and sticks out a little since she looks older,
but the fact is that she doesn't. Unlike "10 Things...," in which the
actors really looked like teens, every single central "teen" actor here
looks just as old, if not older, than Barrymore. Come to think of it, I
believe I just came up with an infinitely more original storyline, which
is that every older-looking "teenager" discovers that they all are
working for feuding newspapers, and in their rush to get their story out
first, have accidentally enrolled in the same high school!
Since all of the characters were unwisely written as caricatures, there
is no way I could care about the fates of anyone. Of course, Barrymore
is as bright and likable as usual, but even concerning her I began to
long for the days a few years ago when she was a more diverse actress,
where she could go from playing a sexual predator (1992's "Poison Ivy")
to a confused manic depressive (1995's "Mad Love") to a terrified victim
stalked by a masked killer (1996's "Scream"). Don't get me wrong: I love
Barrymore's sweet image as much as the next person, but I fear she is
starting to get typecast in these roles. Giving the best performance in
the film is the aforementioned Sobieski (who was snubbed of an Oscar nom
for last year's "A Soldier's Daughter Never Cries" and will next be seen
in the highly awaited Stanley Kubrick thriller, "Eyes Wide Shut").
Sobieski's Aldys was so nice to Josie right from the beginning that I
felt it was a major misstep on Josie's part to begin to snub her as she
became popular, since she obviously had been in Aldys' shoes eight years
before. On the other side of the spectrum are Saturday Night Lives'
Molly Shannon (in her first starring non-SNL feature) and John C. Reilly
as another of Josie's co-workers, both of which have their comic
abilities put to no good use. Tellingly, Shannon had more to do (and was
given the opportunity to be infinitely more funny) on her guest-starring
role in this week's half-hour episode of "Will & Grace."
Inevitably, everything leads up to a climactic scene at the prom (If my
mind seves me correctly, I've seen three, count-'em, three, other movies
this year that also led up to the prom: "She's All That," "Jawbreaker,"
and "10 Things I Hate About You"). I'm not really sure how, or why,
everything always occurs at the prom in movies since, after all, it's
only one night of the year. With a major similarity to 1995's
far-superior "Angus," the dance concludes with Josie standing up for
Aldys and giving a speech to all of the "misfits" out there. In "Angus,"
it felt more real, while in "Never Been Kissed," just like the rest of
the movie, I was constantly making note that the film was simply going
through the well-worn motions.
Ultimately, you feel almost guilty about giving a negative review to a
movie that stars Barrymore (although I was forced to do it last year
with "Home Fries"), but this movie just really isn't very good. It lacks
a tightly-written screenplay, smart characters, or any real honest
emotions (the movie is mostly steeped in obvious sentimentality). While
watching "Never Been Kissed," I was reminded of 1997's wonderful comedy,
"Romy and Michele's High School Reunion," which it is nearly identical
to in story (aside from the latter set at a reunion). Both movies depict
a person (or people) that suffered through the four-year hell that was
high school, both feature almost duplicate flashbacks (even though the
prom flashback in "Romy" was more heartbreaking and, again, more
involving), and both allow the central characters to get back at all of
the people who tormented them in a crowd-pleasing finale. One of the
points the film wants to make is how ridiculous and cruel some teenagers
can be to others. Too bad "Never Been Kissed" turned out to be just as
painfully artificial as they are.
Copyright © 2000 Dustin Putman